Your Handsome Narrator

Joel Golby

JOEL GOLBY

is

TECHNICALLY A WRITER

although

NOT THE TYPE THAT ANYONE IN HIS FAMILY CAN BE ESPECIALLY PROUD OF

It is Christmas, picture the scene. It is Christmas and I am talking to my family. “And Joel,” they say, all of them, eerily, at once. They are fed and they are watered and they are happy. My Aunt has gravy down her but we are choosing not to say. “And Joel,” they say. “What are you doing with yourself?” Imagine me, for a moment. Imagine being me, in my shoes. Your throat is dry and your palms are clammy. “I’m… a writer,” I/you say. “I write.” They know this. They are sad about this. Your family winces in tremendous unison. They are so, so disappointed in you, in a way you can never know. You look at your 17-year-old cousin. He welds pipes to other pipes and outearns you in every single way. Look at his top lip. Look how he already has more of a moustache than you. Fuck you, Joel Golby. Fuck you, you idiot shit.

ยง

Joel Golby (me.) is (I am.) a writer who lives and works in London (I live and work in London). He (I) is (am) 26 years old.

If you are a PR and you are contacting me for ‘a work thing’, please use my work e-mail address. You can figure it out, right? If you can’t figure it out, don’t e-mail me. But I believe in you. I believe you can figure it out.

—November 25th, 2013

Comments are closed.